This post is for yesterday.
122.8 How on earth did it drop??? No idea that's crazy. I got cocky though - ate lots and it's definitely going to go up again.
Had a really good day actually. I've been feeling a little lost lately. Well, it's not as dramatic as it sounds trust me!! It's just, well most of my life I'd lived in the north. Leeds, sheffield, and most recent manchester. And I dunno I don't believe in the north south divide but I did and still do sometimes feel a little out of place and miss home. My friends and social group when I lived in Manchester were all sort of girls like me who don't just live for work, who wear makeup, who care about what clothes they wear and what their hair's like. I guess you could say I knocked about with the in crowd. We were the girls in the night clubs, at the parties and who seemed to be on the website's photo page with the most views.
But I was clever too. I got good grades on my course, did a masters and now do a very technical sciency job. I moved to the south for my job as it was a great opportunity, and I don't regret it for one second. I'd never been to the town I now live in before and moved in to a random house share three days before starting my job. I met my now boyfriend after having moved in just three hours before, and he offered to be my tour guide... The rest you say, is history.
My friends at work, suffice to say, are not the it crowd. They discuss issues and concepts that I don't fully understand, and just have that kind of nerdy geeky social awkwardness about them. In meetings at work I'm sometimes made to feel dumb and unimportant just because I look as though I might be. Most are from very different back grounds to me and sometimes I guess it's just weird. I have made friends, and they're lovely, they're just very different to old friends. I find myself trying too hard - my blend of Yorkshire/Lancashire accent has faded and the social events I now attend are a world away from my old life. My mum thinks that I've made it, and have changed my life from what it was destined to be and is eternally grateful and proud of me for that. I come from a very poor background and my family were miners. We had nothing. I got the grades to go to uni, and got a grant due to my family income. I still left uni with more than 30 grand debt, but I was determined to change my life. My mum is chuffed to bits for me.
But somedays I wake up and think "what the fuck am I doing? This isn't me?" my boyf is quite middle class and talks posh. He listens to radio 4 and reads the gaurdian, and we host dinner parties where we dress up nicely and our guests bring us flowers and kiss us each cheek. We've been invited to watch a polo game in June. I'm in a different world and have lost a part of myself that I didn't want to loose.
Today though, I went shopping with a girl from work who is only a couple of years older than me. She started a few months ago, and she's just loads of fun. She reminds me of who I used to be. She's loud, outspoken, drinks and smokes lots, wears makeup and even high heals to work. We clicked straight away and even my boyfriend jokes that I have a girl crush on her.
I tried a dress on and she said I was tiny and looked like a little doll... Not quite but it felt nice. We went off to the pub at around 4pm, then just stayed out all evening until 2am. (hence writing this up midday on sunday) It was so much fun, she brings out a side to me that is so comforting. Don't get me wrong, I love my new life. I love my boyfriend and the friends Ive made. I love the oportunity my job gives me. It's just all so different, and not something my boyfriend or anyone else willl ever comprehend.
States for the day
Food: I've not even spoke about food today. It wasn't important - I was enjoying myself. I ate lots. I drank. I laughed. I lived. Sunday morning the scales had jumped back up, but that's for day 5's post...
Total cals: 1300 ish. Not including booze.
Exercise: dancing :)
Vi x x