Eek!! So I said this last time, and I'll say it again. Sorry for the massive delay between my last post and this. Lifes been hectic, but isn't it always? That's no excuse. So since my last post I've gone back to my old ways of trying not to eat. I've entered into three running races in the next 6 months, so I'm running 4-5 times a week. I've been really skint these past couple of weeks, so I couldn't afford food even if I wanted to!!
Want to say a big thank you to elle - so sweet of you to mention me in your blog with the sunshine award. I don't have many followers here, but if any of u aren't following elle, go over and listen to her she's lovely. Don't know how to link to her page but it's xellex!!
I wanna try and put into words the massive paradox that is going on in my life and has been for a while. And I suspect some of you here also maybe feel the same. I'm talking about food addiction.
Ok so this is a real phenomenon. Most people think it's an excuse that fat people invented to validate themselves, but it's real.
Is it possible to be a food addict AND have some form of annorexic eating disorder? Most definitely.
Food addiction is bizarre. The overwhelming desire to eat SOMETHING usually something terribly bad for you, NOW. Sometimes when you're not even hungry, but usually when you're full. It's the cravings, the fact that chocolate and crisps seem to whisper your name and call you. It's the reason a lot of us fall prey to the ever depressing binge-or-bust cycle.
I would definitely say that am a food addict. In the same way that an alcoholic who hasn't had a drink for years will always carry that label and have those cravings for the majority of their lives - "my name is violet and I am a food addict." i guess I'm always destined to be. How to combat it? Sensible dieting? Be a bit more active? Where is that turning point where you start to work out like crazy at the gym to try and cancel out the stupid binge even when you weren't hungry, then promising not to eat tomorrow to make up for it? When does the realisation of something more sinister occur - we've turned to ana and mia. And further on down the line, the acceptance of that, it's now a way of life.
But here's the REAL problem - the one fundamental difference between food addiction and all the other conventional addictions like drugs, booze and fags, and the reason for the spiral towards ana. With all these classic additions the key to breaking free and expelling those demons is abstinance. Cold turkey. So you're going to quit smoking - you can NEVER have a cigarette ever again. You're going to quit the drink - you can NEVER have a glass of wine ever again. You can see where I'm going here... What is a food addict to do? So you're addicted to food, but medical science and any sane doctor would never tell you that the way to give up the addiction is to NEVER eat food ever again.
We are forced to try and kick this awful and very real addiction, while all the time keeping it alive by consuming three meals a day for the rest of our lives... Now that's fucked up!!?!? How on earth would a smoker kick that habit if they were told they had to quit smoking, but still go on having cigarette EVERY SINGLE DAY in order to survive?
This is the reason for my binge-bust. We starve our selves in order to block out this addiction and plan (or slip up) to have something light or small to keep us ticking over... Then BAM... some part of our food addicted brain kicks in and says "YES!!! I WANT MOOOORE!!! GIVE ME MORE FOOD!!!!"
How on earth do we deal with such a dilemma??
A very puzzled Violet x