Friday, 30 April 2010

Food addiction

Eek!! So I said this last time, and I'll say it again. Sorry for the massive delay between my last post and this. Lifes been hectic, but isn't it always? That's no excuse. So since my last post I've gone back to my old ways of trying not to eat. I've entered into three running races in the next 6 months, so I'm running 4-5 times a week. I've been really skint these past couple of weeks, so I couldn't afford food even if I wanted to!!

Want to say a big thank you to elle - so sweet of you to mention me in your blog with the sunshine award. I don't have many followers here, but if any of u aren't following elle, go over and listen to her she's lovely. Don't know how to link to her page but it's xellex!!

I wanna try and put into words the massive paradox that is going on in my life and has been for a while. And I suspect some of you here also maybe feel the same. I'm talking about food addiction.

Ok so this is a real phenomenon. Most people think it's an excuse that fat people invented to validate themselves, but it's real. 

Is it possible to be a food addict AND have some form of annorexic eating disorder? Most definitely.

Food addiction is bizarre. The overwhelming desire to eat SOMETHING usually something terribly bad for you, NOW. Sometimes when you're not even hungry, but usually when you're full. It's the cravings, the fact that chocolate and crisps seem to whisper your name and call you. It's the reason a lot of us fall prey to the ever depressing binge-or-bust cycle. 

I would definitely say that am a food addict. In the same way that an alcoholic who hasn't had a drink for years will always carry that label and have those cravings for the majority of their lives - "my name is violet and I am a food addict." i guess I'm always destined to be. How to combat it? Sensible dieting? Be a bit more active? Where is that turning point where you start to work out like crazy at the gym to try and cancel out the stupid binge even when you weren't hungry, then promising not to eat tomorrow to make up for it? When does the realisation of something more sinister occur - we've turned to ana and mia. And further on down the line, the acceptance of that, it's now a way of life.

But here's the REAL problem - the one fundamental difference between food addiction and all the other conventional addictions like drugs, booze and fags, and the reason for the spiral towards ana. With all these classic additions the key to breaking free and expelling those demons is abstinance. Cold turkey. So you're going to quit smoking - you can NEVER have a cigarette ever again. You're going to quit the drink - you can NEVER have a glass of wine ever again. You can see where I'm going here... What is a food addict to do? So you're addicted to food, but medical science and any sane doctor would never tell you that the way to give up the addiction is to NEVER eat food ever again. 

We are forced to try and kick this awful and very real addiction, while all the time keeping it alive by consuming three meals a day for the rest of our lives... Now that's fucked up!!?!? How on earth would a smoker kick that habit if they were told they had to quit smoking, but still go on having cigarette EVERY SINGLE DAY in order to survive? 

This is the reason for my binge-bust. We starve our selves in order to block out this addiction and plan (or slip up) to have something light or small to keep us ticking over... Then BAM... some part of our food addicted brain kicks in and says "YES!!! I WANT MOOOORE!!! GIVE ME MORE FOOD!!!!"

How on earth do we deal with such a dilemma??

A very puzzled Violet x

1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad you're back! I've been missing you AGAIN! It would be fine if you knew people were just absent but on here, people tend to just disappear without warning, never to return. It is probably because they got hold of themselves and decided to turn their lives around or something positive, in which case that's great, but I'd quite like to know that because curiosity kills me! Promise me if you decide to quit your blog you'll at least message me?

    I can't imagine how long it must've taken you to catch up. I only have to be absent for a day or two and I feel out the loop. Don't worry, I'm fine. Things could be worse, I do this to myself more than anything.

    It makes me a little sad that we can't ever know each other properly. Sometimes I wonder how much anyone without an ED or other issues similar to mine will ever really 'get me'.

    Like your 'food addiction' thing, I totally get that. I know that I have a different response to food than other people have, and not just since having an ED although that does make it worse. I study Nutrition and Food Behaviour as part of my course and they distinguish between non-restricted and restrictive eaters. Restrictive eaters are less successful at dieting because if we break any of our strong restrictive rules it disinhibits us and we throw everything out the window. Food cravings are separate from hunger-it's sometimes called 'hedonic hunger'. Restricting makes food cravings stronger. I know all this but it changes nothing because the way I react to food means I will never be thin without restricting myself in some way. One piece of cake is never enough. This is how I ended up falling back into my old ways again. During my treatment for anorexia all the food after so long restricting pushed me overboard and I turned to binge eating and bulimia. I can't just eat normally. If I try to eat normally, I will do so, but binge aswell. It has nothing to do with hunger. The only way I've got around it is to cut out food cold turkey, like you said. I don't restrict so much as fast, interspersed with periods of eating. Fasting cuts out food cravings (fact) and it's the only way I can cut down on binge eating. My diet is fucked. But I don't know what else to do. I'm a food addict.

    Sorry this is such a long comment! I just totally get where you're coming from.

    Oh and congrats on the running! I love running too. I ran a half marathon last year, but I was made to stop running (risk of osteoporosis ya-da-ya-da) and now I'm out the habit. I really want to get back in to it. What distances are the events you're doing?